This article originally appeared in the online magazine Expatica.com on September 5, 2007. (original online here)
Editor Natasha Gunn hears Tamil émigré Jeyanthy Siva give a
presentation in Amsterdam on her work, which aims to provide skills for
resolving conflict without resorting to violence.
Last
month, when the Dutch Muslim Council invited Dutch Freedom Party PVV
leader Geert Wilders to talk about his proposed ban on the Koran in an
effort to combat polarisation and feelings of fear in society, Wilders
refused because in his view “a debate on this is pointless."
In
the same period, PvdA politician Ehsan Jami was assaulted for his
criticism of Islam and is now under protection and the Monitor for
Racism and Extremism of the Anne Frank Foundation revealed that the
percentage of racist violence stemming from the extreme right rose by
75 percent last year compared to 2005.
Lastly,
on the domestic front, a survey by J/M, a monthly magazine for parents
of primary school students, revealed that 75 percent of parents say
they are annoyed by the children of other people; stating that these
children are insolent, antisocial and disobedient. Almost 9 in 10
parents say that discipline at schools should be harsher and more
frequent.
All of the above conflict seems to stem from
judgemental thinking and manifests in a breakdown of communication from
‘opposing’ sides where clearly there are differing points of view. Both
parties believe the other side is ‘wrong’ and they are ‘right’ and seem
locked into an endless finger-pointing cycle.
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Jeyanthy Siva
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Musing
on what the answer could be in a world of blame and retribution, I went
along to hear Tamil émigré, Jeyanthy Siva give a presentation at the
West-Indisch Pakhuis in Amsterdam on her work between the different
ethnic groups in Sri Lanka and civil society at large which aims to
provide skills for resolving conflict without resorting to violence.
When
she was twelve, Jeyanthy made a promise on bidding farewell to the
empty rooms of the home she was leaving in Jaffna, Sri Lanka; to return
one day to help her homeland find peace.
She emigrated with
her family to the US in the 80s to escape the ethnic conflict between
the Sinhalese majority and Tamil separatists, which erupted into war in
1983.
Now Jeyanthy is well on the way to fulfilling that childhood promise.
“For a while I felt as if I had nothing to offer. I even judged my
dream - to help shift people's thinking and feeling from the paradigm
of mistrust and fear to the one of trust and love, as idealistic,” she
says.
When Jeyanthy came across the language of non-violent
communication during her studies in America she realised that she had
found the means to help. It reminded her of the words of a spiritual
teacher: “At base, we have two choices to make, whether to live from
love or fear.”
In 2002, Jeyanthy set out for Sri Lanka.
“Don’t trust
anyone,” warned her Tamil family as well as her Sinhalese friends. She
found that deep mistrust of everyone and everything was a common theme
among all Sri Lankans regardless of their ethnic identity, both within
Sri Lanka and abroad.
This rampant lack of trust amongst people in Sri Lanka is reflected by division at every level of society.
Twenty
years of fighting down the line, the government and Liberation Tigers
of Tamil Eelam (LTTE) agreed to a cease-fire in February 2002. However,
violence between the LTTE and government forces intensified in 2006,
although neither side has officially backed out from the cease-fire.
Human
right’s violations are commonplace and the UN and human rights groups
say abductions and disappearances between January and June of 2007 come
close to a thousand.
In the face of such conflict, Jeyanthy
decided not to work with either the government or the Tamil Tigers.
Instead, she is working to facilitate communications among religious
leaders, a group of people who, unlike in the western world, still have
great influence over the people, along with community leaders,
University students and others.
"Because the situation in Sri
Lanka is so polarized and people tend to automatically assume you are
for one side or the other, it's very difficult to be understood as
standing not for one side or the other but for all sides and all
people," she says.
Through instilling trust in the meetings
she facilitates and supports, Jeyanthy hopes that diverse language and
ethnic groups can gain a sense that their perspective matters. “I hope
to create a container to help people feel safe,” she says. “A breakdown
of trust means creativity breaks down.”
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Jeyanthy Siva:
not giving solutions.
Photo by Antowi Wibbelink
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Jeyanthy
gives two paradigms for communication based on Marshall Rosenberg’s
language of non-violent communication: the fear/ distrust-based model
and the trust-based model.
The fear-based model uses
punishment and reward as a means to motivate people. Such societies are
characterized through having a few people in strong positions at the
top and money and power matter considerably.
In the
trust-based society, people want to care and are motivated via
interconnectedness, compassion, empathy and vulnerability. In this kind
of society everyone matters.
Communication
without violence is based on the trust model. We need to understand our
own needs and the needs of those we are dealing with – without judging
them as the ones in the wrong or the ‘bad’ ones, the terrorists. It
means seeing the opposition as people rather than dehumanizing them.
From here we can find a way to meet everyone’s needs.
“The
biggest contribution I can give is through being who I am, modelling
empathic listening and vulnerable expression, not being the all-knowing
person or giving solutions,” says Jeyanthy, who strongly agrees with
Rosenberg’s view that the quickest way to get some one to adopt a new
behaviour is to show respect for the life in them which led to the old
behaviour.
Jeyanthy left me with the understanding that being
trustworthy is healing - and much of the blame we attribute to others
is purely a reflection of our own needs. Perhaps we should take a
closer look at where we are coming from before we stick a label on the
'other side'.
5 September 2007
After giving this presentation, Jeyanthy in collaboration with
Mirella Visser are launching a mentoring scheme to enable more women
living in Europe to connect with remarkable women in Sri Lanka. For
more information visit ‘Women’s voices over the internet’ for Sri Lanka.
For more information about Jeyanthy Siva’s organisation visit www.sandhi.org
(Note: Sandhi is from Sanskrit meaning, "point where two or more paths cross")
An interview on Sri Lankan televsion with Jeyanthy Siva: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlm1GjYn394
Marshall Rosenberg on nonviolent communication (NVC):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dpk5Z7GIFs
[An evening with Jeyanthy Siva at the West-Indisch Pakhuis in
Amsterdam was organized by Mirella Visser of the Centre for Inclusive
Leadership (www.centreforinclusiveleadership.com).]
Natasha Gunn
Editor
Expatica Netherlands
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[Copyright Expatica 2007]
